Sunday, 19 May 2019

I'm a Survivor...

Today on the 13th of Ramadan at the age of 12 I was abused and molestered by a man that was supposed to have been my guardian.. 

He took away what I didn't even know existed, I cried in pain, crawled to the bathroom covered in my own blood taking the little dignity I had left to try and clean myself up.. 

I cried myself to sleep every night for 2 years there after, couldn't look at my body in the mirror until I turned 20 and felt dirty and disgusting all the time..

This man destroyed my youth, my innocence and my perception of every single man I've seen since.. 

I suffered from trust issues, started hanging out with the wrong crowd, lost myself and felt absolutely worthless.. 

I attempted suicide 5 times and made it out alive every single time. 

After my 5th suicide attempt at the age of 16, I knew that there was a reason why I never died.. There was a reason I was supposed to be alive.. I didn't know what it was yet but I was determined to stay alive and find out. 

I started channeling my anger into positive, started working with youth and talking about my story and how I survived it, started running a youth show talking about the issues that affect us as youth everyday. I started building confidence in myself again, started loving myself again and started learning how to trust others again as well.. 

Its been a long road and today, 18 years later, I have finally forgiven the man that I've hated for so long..

If I don't forgive him, how can I expect the Almighty to forgive me for all my flaws?? 

I've been fighting this demon for so long but today I will not break down.. 

Today, I will not let him win.. 

Today, I will take back all my power.. 

Today, I will start living.. 

To every single woman that is going to read this and is a survivor, take your power back today!! Its hard but not impossible.. 

To every single woman that has not been through this, thank the Almighty every single day.. I wouldn't wish this trauma and pain on my worst enemy.. 

To every single man that's going to read this, think twice before doing anything stupid like this.. It destroys lives.. Trust me, I know..

To the man that has now come into my life, know that I have flaws. I didn't give anything up, it was taken away from me. If you can love me past that, I will love you with everything I have..

This post is real.. 

This is my story.. 

Today I can proudly say that my name is Zaakirah Mohamed and I'm a SURVIVOR!!!!



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