Friday, 19 June 2020

A father’s lament



Wrinkled old hands desperately search the night stand for his spectacles. He cannot remember if he placed them there last night. He cannot remember what he had for dinner last night.. his memory just like his eyesight is giving up on him..

His frail legs feel weak as he attempts to get out of his bed.Is it morning already? Where am I?As his tired old eyes search the cold beige room he is met warmly by the morning nurse…She greets him with a familiar smile, hands him his medication and helps him out of bed… his legs just like is eyesight and memory is giving up on him.

He knows this place well, it has been his home for almost a decade yet every morning he wakes up wishing it was all just a bad dream, hoping to see a face he can call family.. alas his family gave up on him before his eyesight, memory and frail legs did.

He sits on a wooden chair outside with his tasbeeh in hand, sweet whispers of zikr escaping his parched lips. He loves this chair as it is the only piece of his previous life that he was ‘allowed’ to bring with him. He feels the heat of the sun warming his body yet never reaching his heart.His heart is giving up on him…. just like his eyesight, his memory, his legs and his family did.

He retreats to the common living area to visit his only friend, an old man with a young soul who lights up the home with his laughter and jokes.

Everyday he meets his friend and shares the same memories of a beautiful life once lived. Memories of the love of his life, his precious wife who passed away decades ago but his heart and soul would never allow his mind to forget her.

He remembers the names of his 2 sons as he proudly states that one of them is a doctor, the other an engeineer.He talks fondly of his little grandson,tears escaping his tired eyes as his heart yearns to meet him again, perhaps just one last time. He has not seen his family in over 3years….

He carefully thought them how to walk, catching them before they could fall, the same children sent him a walking aid on his birthday….

He lovingly carried them on his shoulder showing them the world, the same children are far too busy to come visit him.

He sacrificed his own needs and wants in order to give them a comfortable life.. the same children do not even call him to ask if he is alive or dead.

This is a man who was the sole breadwinner of his family for over four decades,he struggled to make ends meet and did extra hours of work to put his children through university. Today he is alone in an old age home surrounded with nothing but vivid memories of a life once lived for company..

His eyesight gave up on him, his legs gave up on him, his memory gave up on him, his heart gave up on him.. his family gave up on him… and finally his life gave up on him……

Now they will come with tears in their eyes and regret in their hearts……

By N Chhipa

Friday, 15 May 2020

Our Allah is with us..

The darkness envelopes me and I'm afraid of what beckons... The fear of what tomorrow holds, the fear of the reason behind the pain, the fear of not being able to meet commitments, the fear of making mistakes that I cant afford, the fear of making the wrong choices.
The darkness calls out to me....
Allah calls out to me ....
Beckoning me to him in the darkness of the night and I turn to Him knowing that everything will be ok, I will be ok, that whatever I will have to face in this undesirable duniya will be ok - I will not be alone, that Allah is always with me. People let you down, even loved ones.. But Allah never does.
How beautiful is His love that even when we let Him down, He is still with us, He still loves us. ... A love that is stronger than a mother to a child. A love that is stronger than a lover and his beloved. 
Allahs love is unwavering and constant, Allahs love is deeper than the deepest depth of the ocean. Allahs power and might is unfathomable. 
As easily as He turns darkness to light He can turn any situation from difficult to ease.
So lets embrace whatever tomorrow holds knowing our Allah is with us, helping us, guiding us, protecting us.

Saturday, 9 May 2020

My mother..


This is a truly BEAUTIFUL piece please read this at a slow pace, digesting every word at leisure...do not hurry....this is a treasure...

For those lucky to still be blessed with your Mom, this is beautiful

For those of us who aren't, this is even more beautiful. For those who are moms, you'll love this.
 
The young Mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. 

And the Guide said:  "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it.

But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young Mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. 

So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried,

"Nothing will ever be lovelier than this." 

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, 

"Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and nothing can harm us."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. 

But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said,

"Mother, we would not have made it without you." 

And the Mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said,"This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. 

Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I've given them strength." 

And the next day came strange clouds, which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light."

And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said,

"This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. 

But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. 

And Mother said,"I have reached the end of my journey.

And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

 And the children said, 

"You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." 

And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.  And they said: 

"We cannot see her but she is with us still.

A Mother like ours is more than a memory.  She is a living presence......" Your Mother is always with you.... 

She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. 

Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallised in every teardrop.

She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. 

She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you'll. Not time, not space... not even death!

PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MOTHERS AND CHILDREN YOU KNOW. MAY WE NEVER TAKE OUR MOTHERS FOR GRANTED NO MATTER WHAT...
 May Allah grant all the marhoom mums the highest stage in Jannah,آمين يا رب العالمينر 🙏🏼

Sharing this post..not my post ☀️☀️

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

The invisible enemy

The world has become involved in a war with an invisible enemy. 
The lockdown that has ensued throughout the world is slowly but surely taking it's toll on young and old. 
If the virus doesn't kill you, you will kill yourself if not through suicide then through self-sabotage. 
The stress of not working, pending unpaid bills, having to still have to have your basic needs fulfilled, kids to take care off and keep entertained.. The list is endless. 
And there doesnt seem to be an end in sight. 
Keep thinking about it and stressing about it and you working to self-sabotage yourself. The pain you causing yourself is more painful and prolonged than suicide. 
The day brings with it a glimmer of hope, but as the day passes and circumstances remain unchanged the pending darkness, the gloom and doom of an uncertain future looms.
Nothing you do can change the situation overnite but you can work to slowly take baby steps to gear yourself to get through this. 

The first thing you need to do is give yourself a break. Dont strive to be and live in perfection. Take it easy. Your home doesnt need to be spotless it needs to be livable. Your kids dont need to be on good behaviour 24/7, they too need to let their hair down. You dont have to be picture perfect, you can totally work in pjs and from bed and run both home and work at a leisurely pace. Take time to reboot your system. 

The second thing you need to do is keep the idle mind occupied.. If you are working from home, try to create a routine where work and chill time Co-exists. All work, with low results due to the limitations you are facing will drag you down cos you think you are failing but every step you take forward is part of the pathway to the success you are leading yourself to. It will be slow and tedious but know that you will get there. You can make it happen, you just need to reshuffle and adjust to the new norms. If you dont you will fail and if you do you will succeed. 

The third thing you need to remember and remind yourself constantly is that we are all in this together. Yes no ones alone. We all are facing the same issues, the same fears, the same uncertainties. 

The fourth thing you need to do is not blame yourself. The current situation is out of our control. 

The fifth thing is more of a realisation.. Back in the day.. I was always told, "Dont put all your eggs in. One basket".. Today with many dedicated to a specific job, and learning one specific skill and not broadening our horizons, we have now learnt the hard way that we have infact put all our eggs in one basket. But its never too late, to start a side hustle. There are also many institutions offering free online courses to broaden your knowledge and skills. 

Last but not least is to Pray, Persist, Persevere and stay as Positive as possible... This will lead us through this dark era. 

See you on the other side.. 

Shireen M

The day my father died...


Written by John Pavlovitz. 

The day my father died, I was at the grocery store buying bananas.

I remember thinking to myself, “This is insane. Your dad just died. Why the hell are you buying bananas?”

But we needed bananas. We’d be waking up for breakfast tomorrow morning, and there wouldn’t be any bananas—so there I was.

And lots of other stuff still needed doing too, so over the coming days I would navigate parking lots, wait in restaurant lines, and sit on park benches; pushing back tears, fighting to stay upright, and in general always being seconds from a total, blubbering, room-clearing freak out.

I wanted to wear a sign that said: I JUST LOST MY DAD. PLEASE GO EASY.

Unless anyone passing by looked deeply into my bloodshot eyes or noticed the occasional break in my voice and thought enough to ask, it’s not like they’d have known what’s happening inside me or around me. They wouldn’t have had any idea of the gaping sinkhole that had just opened up and swallowed the normal life of the guy next to them in the produce section.

And while I didn’t want to physically wear my actual circumstances on my chest, it probably would have caused people around me to give me space or speak softer or move more carefully—and it might have made the impossible, almost bearable.

Everyone around you; the people you share the grocery store line with, pass in traffic, sit next to at work, encounter on social media, and see across the kitchen table—they’re all experiencing the collateral damage of living. They are all grieving someone, missing someone, worried about someone. Their marriages are crumbling or their mortgage payment is late or they’re waiting on their child’s test results, or they’re getting bananas five years after a death and still pushing back tears because the loss feels as real as it did that first day.

Every single human being you pass by today is fighting to find peace and to push back fear; to get through their daily tasks without breaking down in front of the bananas or in the carpool line or at the post office.

Maybe they aren’t mourning the sudden, tragic passing of a parent, but wounded, exhausted, pain-ravaged people are everywhere, everyday stumbling all around us—and yet most of the time we’re fairly oblivious to them:

Parents whose children are terminally ill.
Couples in the middle of divorce.
People grieving loss of loved ones and relationships.
Kids being bullied at school.
Teenagers who want to end their lives.
People marking the anniversary of a death.
Parents worried about their depressed teenager.
Spouses whose partners are deployed in combat.
Families with no idea how to keep the lights on.
Single parents with little help and little sleep.

Everyone is grieving and worried and fearful, and yet none of them wear the signs, none of them have labels, and none of them come with written warnings reading, I’M STRUGGLING. BE NICE TO ME.

And since they don’t, it’s up to you and me to look more closely and more deeply at everyone around us: at work or at the gas station or in the produce section, and to never assume they aren’t all just hanging by a thread. Because most people are hanging by a thread—and our simple kindness can be that thread.

We need to remind ourselves just how hard the hidden stories around us might be, and to approach each person as a delicate, breakable, invaluable treasure—and to handle them with care.

As you make your way through the world today, people won’t be wearing signs to announce their mourning or to alert you to the attrition or to broadcast how terrified they are—but if you look with the right eyes, you’ll see the signs.

There are grieving people all around you.

Go easy.

Monday, 4 May 2020

What can I do to make your day better?

🍀بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم🍀 
ﷺ ♥̸̨͡🍃ﷺ♥̸̨͡🍃ﷺ 

A wonderful true story.
The million dollar question that will save any relationship,
"What can I do to make your day better?

"How I Saved My Marriage
By Richard Paul Evans

My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you & mom would get divorced. Then, when I was twelve, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”

For years my wife Keri & I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. Aиϑ the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering fame & fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce & more than once we discussed it.

I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone & Keri had hung up on me. I was alone & lonely, frustrated & angry. I had reached my limit.

That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer — maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is-but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong & I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. Aиϑ I was a good person. So why couldn’t we get along? Why had I married someone so different than me? Why wouldn’t she change?

Finally, hoarse & broken, I sat down in the shower & began to cry. In the depths of my despair powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.

The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri & asked, “How can I make your day better?”

Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”

“How can I make your day better?”

“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.

“She looked at me cynically.

“You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.

“She likely expected me to get mad. Instead I just nodded. “Okay.”

I got up & cleaned the kitchen.

The next day I asked the same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Clean the garage.”

I took a deep breath. I already had a busy day & I knew she had made the request in spite. I was tempted to blow up at her.

Instead I said, “Okay.” I got up & for the next two hours cleaned the garage. Keri wasn’t sure what to think.The next morning came.

“What can I do to make your day better?”

“Nothing!” she said. “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.”
”I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t.

I made a commitment to myself. What can I do to make your day better?”

”Why are you doing this?”

”Because I care about you,” I said.
“Aиϑ our marriage."

The next morning I asked again. Aиϑ the next. Aиϑ the next. Then, during the second week, a miracle occurred. As I asked the question Keri’s eyes welled up with tears. Then she broke down crying. When she could speak she said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.

“I gently lifted her chin until she was looking in my eyes. “It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?””I should be asking you that.””You should,” I said. “But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.”She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.””I love you,” I said.”I love you,” she replied.”What can I do to make your day better?”She looked at me sweetly. “Can we maybe just spend some time together?”I smiled. “I’d like that.”I continued asking for more than a month. Aиϑ things did change. The fighting stopped. Then Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”

The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions on what we wanted from life & 
how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they’d once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it in us to hurt each other anymore.

Keri & I have now been married for more than thirty years. I not only love my wife, I like her. I like being with her. I crave her. I need her. Many of our differences have become strengths & the others don’t really matter. We’ve learned how to take care of each other & , more importantly, we’ve gained the desire to do so. 

Marriage is hard. But so is parenthood & keeping fit & writing books & everything else important & worthwhile in my life. To have a partner in life is a remarkable gift. I’ve also learned that the institution of marriage can help heal us of our most unlovable parts. Aиϑ we all have unlovable parts.

Through time I’ve learned that our experience was an illustration of a much larger lesson about marriage. The question everyone in a committed relationship should ask their significant other is, “What can I do to make your life better?” That is love. Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness-sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance & caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest.

I’m not saying that what happened to Keri & me will work for everyone. I’m not even claiming that all marriages should be saved. But for me, I am incredibly grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day so long ago. I’m grateful that my family is still intact & that I still have my wife, my best friend, in bed next to me when I wake in the morning. Aиϑ I’m grateful that even now, decades later, every now & then, one of us will still roll over & say, “What can I do to make your day better.” Being on either side of that question is something worth waking up for.
🍃🌹🍃
A beautiful story teaching a valuable lesson..many relationships today are strained , others do not work out, couples are getting divorced even after being married for 10 , 20 years or more because their marriage was one-sided where the one spouse was doing all the giving & the other spouse continuosly taking ,showing no care & appreciation.
Imagine if every one of us would be concerned continously about the other, worrying more about fulfilling others rights instead of expecting ours to be fulfilled! Our world would indeed become a beautiful one where peace & joy would abound.

Perhaps Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala locked us out from the outside world so that we can journey within ourselves & reflect on all those qualities that we need to pinpoint & work on. We can never change another but we can indeed change ourselves. 
Reading the seerah of our Nabi sallallaahu alayhi wasallam & delving into his ﷺ noble character. & esteemed life will give us insight of the character traits that we need to imbibe in our own selves to guarantee beautiful & successful relationships with all the people that we share our lives with.
🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹

Saturday, 2 May 2020

MY WIFE TAUGHT ME A LESSON I WILL NEVER FORGET


I went on an important trip for three days, and immediately after my arrival, I called to check on my wife and son, because I am not used to their separation, and they are not used to my absence.
We have been married for three years.
But unfortunately she did not answer my calls, and this went on for all three days. 
My phone did not leave my hand, as I was calling her without exaggeration, every quarter of an hour or half an hour, and no one answered.
I was so much worried, I thought I will go insane. 

I contacted my brother and sister to check on their conditions, they told me they are fine. I did not believe them, and I called my wife's mother, and she told me the same, I asked her to tell my wife to call me. But I waited for so long, and no one called. 

Three days passed like three months, and sometimes I get in the midst of wanting to explode from anger.

I wondered why she is not answering my calls, and sometimes the Shaitan whispers terrible things to me. 

I returned home to my country, and as soon as my feet touched the ground, I rushed to my home. Because of the intensity of my fear I knocked the door, and rang the bell at the same time, until my wife opened the door and to my surprise, she was fine and very elegant, and she welcomed me with all her heart and soul.

Behind her was my child, his eyes dancing with joy, he ran to hug me. 

I was confused, I did not know what was the reason as to why she was not answering my calls. 

Soon my anger was replaced by surprise. 

I asked my wife about the reason for this childish behaviour that I almost cut off my trip for.

My wife replied calmly: 
"Did you contact your mother?" 

I answered her, but I did not understand why she asked me that: 
"I do not know maybe, but I called your mother to ask about you." 
She said: 
"What you felt in these days which you did not hear from us, is the same feeling your mother feels when you forget to call her for so many days. You do not call her, unless she takes the initiative to call you. She too gets worried of you when you do not call her for a long time. I tried so much to alert you on this issue, but you are ignoring it. I did not find a better way than this to make  you understand my point, O my dear husband."

I bent my head downward because what she said touched my heart. 

She gave me my car keys and whispered in my ear: 

"Your Jannah is waiting for you." 
I went to my first love, 
"my mother" 
after my wise wife taught me a lesson I will never forget for a lifetime. 

I am grateful to her that she made me come back to my senses, before it is too late, and then I come to regret. 

I thank Allah for this wise and brave wife, and for her mother, who raised her the best way, and for my mother who chose this wife for me.

Thank you Allah for Having Mercy on me and Waking me up from ignorance. 

Your mother is your Jannah do not forget to call her, even once a day, and this is the least. 

Because her heart waits for you, prays for you, and thinks about you all the time. 

Her love for you prevents her from calling you all the time for fear of disturbing you. 

Sisters, Remind your husband that his mother is the treasure of his life, and his Jannah.

Do not distract him from his Mother.

Help your husband, to obey his parents.

This obeying will come back to you and you will see it in your own children. 
May Almighty Allah bless our Mothers with a long life and also grant All Mothers (those still alive & those in the Graves) Jannah al'Firdaus Ameen Allahuma AMEEN 
🙏💖🙏

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

TORN BETWEEN LOOSING A PART OF MY HEART AND A PART OF MY BODY


One rainy Sunday afternoon , a few years ago, we were driving on the N3 highway heading towards Durban. A few kilometres before the Marianhill toll, we hit a water patch. My dad lost control of the car. It spun a few times and landed into the barriers on the side of the road. All I remember, is the car spinning and trees on the windscreen. Everything else was a blur to me. 

I then remember some paramedics pulling me out of the car, and I found myself lying on the side of the road. I was numb. They ripped off my cloak and Alhamdulillah, luckily for me, I was wearing a T-shirt underneath. They put me on a stretcher. As soon as I was placed into the ambulance, my sisters were there for me and they continued to read durood shareef and the kalimah.

I felt some pain in my ankle and with closed eyes, I begged them to rub my ankle. The paramedic asked them not to touch me and this frustrated me to the point that I lost consciousness.

Some time later, my eyes opened to the sound of beeping machines and bright lights. Where was I? After a long time, I realized that I was at a hospital. I saw a nurse and 2 doctors who had asked me a few questions. I was confused and afraid. I then saw my aunt, and chatting to her brought much calm to me, in the middle of my storm. 

At midnight, I was wheeled into theatre with a team of 15 doctors and nurses who attended to me. They worked on me throughout the night. I was in a very critical condition. In fact, there were multiple times when they thought they had lost me. My chances of survival were slim, or so they thought.

For the next 2 days, I was in a coma. I remember crying when I woke up and the first thing I had asked for was my beloved mother. I then asked for my father and my sisters. When I saw them I asked : “Mummy?” and my father broke the most painful news to me: *"She has passed away"*.

That was the most heart breaking sentence I ever heard. My love, my life, my pillar of support, my strength, my confidant.

Somehow, I had a feeling she had passed away, but I needed someone to tell me it wasn't true.

I asked, sobbing: "Muhammed?" and before they could say anything, I told them that I knew he had passed away too. Muhammed was my four year old brother, who was the light of my life and delight of my heart. Little Muhammed had passed away at the accident site and was with my mummy. 

While I was in hospital, every doctor and nurse would look at me and say *“This is our miracle child.”* I never understood why, until 2 weeks later when my father told me that when the mortuary van came, they said "There are three bodies". My vital signs were zero and all the lines were flat. I believe that this is a second chance of life gifted to me by Allah. 

I was taken to theatre yet again. I had a deep cut on my right shoulder, I lost my left hand and broke my femur bone in 3 places. My thigh was ripped open and my ankle was crushed. I was given a high dosage of morphine, so Alhamdulillah I wasn’t in much pain. I was in hospital for a total of 35 days and visited theatre 13 times during my stay. 

Physio was really painful. Some days, I would pretend to be asleep when the Physiotherapist arrived. At times, they would force me to do it and other times, they would leave me to sleep.

I also had skin graph done. I had a machine, attached to my legs to drain the fluid.

I am thankful to Allaah that for 20 days I was on the bed, I then used the wheelchair for one month, and for a few months thereafter, I used the walking stick. After that, I walked with an uncomfortable limp for many months. With Allahs help and a lot of painful physio, I made it through, Alhamdulillah. 

Whilst I was in hospital, I never spoke about the accident or my mother because I would get very emotional and my pressure would go up and that meant my operations would get delayed, which meant staying in the hospital for a longer time. Sometimes, I wonder how I made it through. 

I must admit that through everything, there is much for me to be grateful for. Before the accident, I would hardly think of death and Jannah and Jahannum, but now, I keep thinking “Will I be happy to die in this situation? Is my Rabb pleased with me? Have I worked hard enough to reach Jannah?” 

I used to get a lot of visitors, sometimes too much to handle. I would sometimes pretend to be asleep or tell them that I didn't want to see people.

I am so blessed to have my sister by my side. She was and is the only one I can take my frustration out on. My father and uncles would sit at my side and recite Quraan, this brought alot of peace to me. 

Initially, I did not manage to read my salaah but Alhamdullilah after that, I did not miss a single salaah. I used to read salaah while lying on the bed and I would make tayamum. When I was on the ventilator, my family told me that I kept on waking up and asking if I could read my fajr salaah, as I was afraid to miss my salaah. Eventually the nurses asked them to allow me to read my salaah, as it was not good for me to be waking up with worry. Hearing this made me happy that even in that condition I was still aware of my salaah. May ALLAH keep us all steadfast on our Salaah. Aameen. 

As far as my current situation is concerned, Alhamdullilah, I manage to do everything, in spite of having just one hand. With time, I started to master things. I got so used to doing things with one hand, that I sometimes wonder “How do you do it with 2 hands?” it's only with the help of Allah, that I can shower on my own, dress and even tie my scarf all by myself. I make my own bed, clean and do household chores. I cook and do all the preparations for cooking, like cutting vegetables and cleaning meat. I have a few things, like cutting boards etc. that help to support the vegetables and hold it in place so I can slice. I remember trying for hours one day to tie my hair into a ponytail and after much failing and frustration, I finally managed.

I used to wear pardha before the accident, but after the accident, I stopped because it was difficult. I couldn't even wear a cloak, because I used to walk with a walkingstick and the cloak would come in the way. But Slowly, I started trying to tie my scarf by myself , then I wore the cloak again. I was very upset about my pardha. People suggested I wear it again and ask for help in tying it, but I refused because I wanted to be independent. Alhamdulillah, with time, I started wearing my parda again. 

Now that I have a prosthetic hand, Alhamdulillah, I can do much more on my own, and its now easier. I use my stub on my left arm to help me support things when I carry it. It just takes me longer to do things. Things which were previously easy for me are now difficult for me, but I don’t let things get to me, I persevere until I get it right. 

My body pains a lot, especially when its cold. My left leg is shorter than my right leg, which causes me to limp, but wearing an instep has helped my limp. The pins in my leg which press on my hip when I sleep cause me severe pain some nights. My prosthetic hand creeps me out as I used to have a phobia for pictures of arms and mannequins. I used to have nightmares, but Alhamdullilah with time I got over it. I don’t wear my hand out yet, because I don't think I am ready for all the stares and questions. 

Alhamdulillah, I am pleased with the decree of Allah, but as human beings we have emotions. I sometimes wish I could rewind my life, but then I think that I will have to come back to this time and relive all that had happened, so what is the point? We must look ahead of us, instead of dwelling on the past. What is our purpose of life? Why are we here? To please Allah and our aim is to reach Jannah.

There isn’t a single day that passes, when I do not think of my beloved mother, my dear brother, the life changing accident or my life prior to it.

Going back to the time of the accident when I was semi- conscious, I remember the car finally came to a stop. I remember my father asking us if we were okay. I told him “Yes we are.” I then looked to my side and saw something which looked familiar. I looked again and I said to myself “That’s _my_ hand." When I looked at my shoulder, I noticed my arm was missing. There was blood, bone, veins and flesh everywhere. I calmly told my father “I think my hand is broken.”

When I say calmly, I mean it in the literal sense. I was completely at ease. I kept reciting durood shareef. Allahs help was with me. It was only with His help that I was calm despite the chaos around me. It was and it is only Allah who has given me the strength to come so far. 

Since the time I was in hospital, I made sure that my arm was covered at all times. I was conscious of it. I would wear a shawl or I use to cover it with a blanket. Two months later was Eid, so I wore a dress and matched it with a shawl so that it covered me. Every time I would stand in front of the mirror, I would look at my arm and that made me very afraid of leaving the house. 

It is sad how narrow minded people are. Many people meant good, and would try to console me, but not knowing how to, caused me even more pain. They would say: "Shame, it must be so difficult for you!" and "You used to do so much and now you can't!", "How you manage without your mother?"

Dear reader, choose your words carefully, and if you can't say anything nice, rather not say anything at all. Instead, rather make a secret dua. 

Yes, people stare and they stare really hard. I hear them whisper to each other "Look! She doesn't have an arm!"
Personally, I prefer people to approach me and chat to me instead of staring.

On a few occasions people greeted me and rubbed my shoulder, as if they were consoling me, later I found out it was just to see until where was my hand amputated. That really hurt me. 

Being the eldest, I feel I have to take the responsibility of doing things for my sisters and seeing to their needs, like my mother would have done, as they lost her at a younger age than I.

Alhamdullilah, for the past year, with the Grace of Allah, I manage to wake up every day for Tahjjud. I feel that really really helps me to get through my day. I perform Salaatus shukr and salaatul hajaat every day and I beg Allah to help me. At the time of Tahajjud, I make dua and I let my emotions pour out to my Rabb. Everyday I tell myself “I place my trust in Allah and hand over my affairs to Him.” The days I don’t wake up I feel very low.

Zikr really helps me calm down, whenever I am feeling down or frustrated or im trying to do something with one hand, I will start reading durood shareef or any zikr and immediately I will see the results.

Sitting with my Quraan, and reciting its beautiful words, always brings comfort to my heart.

I do have a few close friends who I confide in. I speak to them whenever I am frustrated. I am so grateful to have them in my life. They are always there for me and they never ever make me feel like a burden to them. Sometimes, all you need to do is speak to someone and it makes you feel better.

Another thing is writing. That really helped me get through most of my challenges. I would write and write until my heart and mind were at ease, although I never showed it to anyone.

For the first year, I never thought much about my future as my sole focus would be therapy and operations. But, after the first year, I started feeling really depressed and down. I remember the days when I used to sit and cry nonstop. I dreaded meeting people and I felt that I had nothing to look forward to. Alhamdulillah, with motivation and duas from my dear and dear ones, I started feeling much better. I kept reminding myself why im here. What is my purpose? Until now, I do have my down days, but I manage to pick myself up by looking forward to being reunited with my beloved ones in Jannah.

I feel I have gained closeness to Allah. I have more trust in Him. The love for this World has left my heart. I think of Jannah and Jahanam more often. What will it be like in the grave? How will I answer for my deeds? Death has become a reality for me. 

If you have lost a person who was close and beloved to you, I would say, that I know it most definitely is not easy. But remember, you aren't the only person in the world undergoing a problem or challenge. There are thousands and millions of people going through challenges. Look at those who are in situations which are worse off than your own, and find solace in that. Remember, that if you have a roof over your head, a bed to sleep on and food on your table, you are more fortunate than most people. Allah tests those whom He loves best. How many tests did our beloved Nabi (صلى الله عليه وسلم) go through and was he not the most beloved to Allah? He lost both his parents during his childhood, he lost his beloved wife as well as his children during his lifetime! What pain did his heart not experience? And it's okay to break down and to cry. When Nabi (صلى الله عليه وسلم) was reminded of His beloved, deceased wife Khadijah (ra), did his eyes not tear? Did he not get emotional? Never think that crying makes you weak. In fact, I feel stronger after I cry! Don't hold it in. Speak to a friend or write. It's not easy to lose a loved one, as no one can take their place. But when we think of them, send isaale thawaab for them, as that will help them now. Be happy for them, as they are free in the beautiful gardens of Jannah. May Allah reunite us all with our beloved ones in Jannatul Firdaus, Aameen.

To those who have a disability, I would say, if you remove the prefix dis from the word disability, you are left with the word ability. And that is exactly what you have. You have the ability to pick yourself up again and live your life. You have the ability to be happy. Never think to yourself that I can't do this or that. Yes, maybe you can't do it like how everyone else is doing it, but you have the ability to do it to the best of your own ability and thats what matters most. It is better to try and fail, than to fail to try. Never be afraid of asking for help if you need it. Love yourself and have faith in yourself and keep in mind the great rewards promised to those who are patient. If you don't have one limb, you have three others. If you can't walk, you can talk. If you can't see, you can hear. There is always something to make shukr for.

Lastly, my most important plea to all those, who have neither lost a parent or lost a limb, is to please please please cherish your mother, for you will only realize her true value once she is gone. Before it's too late, appreciate her. Never disrespect her or raise your voice at her. Always be there for her and remind her as often as possible how much you love her and appreciate the things she does for you. Spoil her, tell her to take a day off from the kitchen, massage her feet, buy her gifts, even if it's just a chocolate. Earn her duas, that is what will take you far in life. How I wish I still had that opportunity. Life without her is empty. Remember, Jannat lies beneath her feet.

JazakAllahu khayra for taking the time to read my story. Please forgive me for the length of my article and for any grammatical errors. This is directly from my heart to yours. I hope I have inspired you in some way.
Kindly do remember my family and I in your duas, especially durung these blessed days of Ramadhaan.