Sunday, 17 February 2019

MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR SMALL BOYS! !!!!!!

MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR SMALL BOYS! !!!!!!

I used to interpret the saying "Marriage is not for small boys" to mean small  boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.


I asked, so what is the secret of your over 47 years in marriage? 

Beaming, she retorted; My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will either spell its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or buying cars for me, but with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that. 


You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.


So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always. 


Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bath the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bath. I iron his clothes he would take to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavours. 


I asked my old woman, so then what does the man do in return? She laughed all heart and hearty and replied; You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. 

YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SAME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER, THIS IS WRONG!


When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn't rattle. 


She continued, my son, never carry "how rich or poor your family is" into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman. 


Love only compels/leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn't sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.

 

Sometimes you hear, I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God fearing person etc. You cannot get all your expectations in one person. With time and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimise your expectations in marriage. 


To cut the long story short, as too many cooks spoil the broth, she concluded on the mistakes a couple should resist at all cost in marriage:


1) Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only used you as an agent for transformation, give the glory to God. 


2) Let the man be head of the home no matter the financial, economic, physical and emotional health situation prevailing in the couple's life whilst the woman exercises diligence in the use of the tongue. 


3) Having children should not be the ultimate objective in marriage. They are given to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.


4) Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day's stressful life. Try to be sexual beings and not "Angels" in that marriage


5) Resort to God often and less to men to solve your marital disputes. 


6) Let the women " Make up" their characters much more than they make up their body. 


Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, have so many friends etc.


Make every effort to let that marriage work and may God help us.


Kindly Share to Bless Others


Written by @Isaac Owolabi #IsaacoMedia 


Nice reading!!!

Halaal and haraam

It is halaal (permissible) for a widow or a divorcee to marry again - it is haraam (prohibited) for YOU to gossip about her 'character' if she does.


It is halaal for a woman to ask for khulaa' (divorce) if she cannot stay in the relationship in a healthy manner any longer - it is haraam for YOU to backbite and raise questions about her femininity, loyalty and nature.


It is halaal for a woman to raise her voice if she is going through domestic abuse, torture and blackmail - it is hypocrisy for YOU to tell her to bear with it because she is a woman!


It is halaal for a woman to ask for her mahr from the husband the moment she gets married - it is shameful for YOU to expect her to "forgive" the mahr if she wants to be called a 'good' woman.


It is halaal for a woman to pray inside the masjid, meet her sisters for dawah and recreation, and have fun in life - it is outside of enough for YOU to tell her she should become invisible if she wishes to enter Jannah.


Get out of your little holes and stand up for JUSTICE, TRUTH AND ISLAM! Enough of your cultural, scared, and humiliating tactics to make me believe Islam has done this to me. Nay! Every time you do not stand up for my sisters when they are abused and misused, YOU ARE ACCOUNTABLE.


Either have the courage to practice the true teachings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) or 

for the Sake of your self -STAY OUT OF IT.


#COPIED courtesy of Naeela khan. Just to raise awareness of women's rights in these matters.

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Radio Islam ladies only event...

Beautiful mornings...


A beautiful start to a beautiful day... Alhamdulillah

#DurbanMuslima #ShireenM #AspiringToInspire

Janazah..

To many it's another Janazah.

To the wife, she is now called a widow. And to the husband, he is now called a widower. To a child (not matter how old), it's a loss of a parent.

To many once you leave the home, it's life that continues.

To the bereaved, life goes to a standstill. When the soul is returned to its Maker, the name daddy becomes the Janazah.

Not matter how many years will go by, that smile will not be the same. The heart that is shattered, will show in the broken smile.

Tears will continue to flow by even the mention of the name, for the heart that's in pain, a tear is the way to express this.

For death came with no warning and it is what Allah has called for. And to console the heart, the zikr of durood is the balm. 

Life will not bring joy to its fullest, laughter will not be same.

A part of you has left and that part will not be replaced.

Written by Farhana Ismail...

Wills and Estates

Tarbiyyah course

Tuesday, 12 February 2019

Things are not always what they appear to be..

A couple went for a cruise tour to enjoy their private honeymoon while leaving their children at home. Unfortunately, the cruise ship was sinking due to catastrophic weather condition. The couple finally made their way to the lifeboat area but there was only space for one person left. The man jumped onto the lifeboat, leaving his wife on the sinking ship…


The wife stood on the sinking ship and shouted to her husband saying…


The teacher paused the above story and asked her students in the classroom, “Let us guess. What do you think she shouted to her husband?”


Most students answered altogether: “I hate you! I was blinded by love!”


The teacher noticed that there was a student who sat quietly and asked him. The student answered, “Teacher, I believe she would have shouted – Take care of our children!”


The teacher was shocked and asked: “Have you heard this story before?”


The student shook his head and said, “Nope, but before my mother passed away to disease, she told my father the exact same words!”


The teacher was amazed and praised: “Your answer is excellent!”


The cruise sunk and the man returned home and brought up their children single-handedly.


Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter who had been accusing her father found her father’s diary while tidying his belongings, and she found out the truth.


It turns out that when her parent went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with an incurable disease. During the crucial moment on the sinking ship, her father rushed to the only space left on the lifeboat. He wrote in his diary, “I wanted to sink with you together on the sinking cruise. But for our children, I could only let you sink alone into the deep cold ocean bed.”


The daughter burst into tears after reading this diary.


The teacher finished the story and the whole class went silent.


The teacher knew that her students had understood the moral of the story that she wanted to pass on to them. In this world there are good and evil. Sometimes the situation could be very complicated and indistinguishable of good and bad. So, we must not jump to conclusion easily and look at the surface only. We must not make hasty decision or assumption without any attempt of investigation or using our critical thinking. We must not judge others without understanding them first. We shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.


#MORAL_LESSON


❤For those who usually pay the dinner bill, it is not because they are rich but they treasure friendship more than money.


❤For your colleagues who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but they understand the concept of responsibility.


❤Those who apologizes first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.


❤Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you anything but because they see you as a true friend.


❤Those who text you frequently does not mean he or she has nothing better to do but because he or she was missing you terribly.

Saved, yet again..


Just when one reaches an all time low and one sees no hope of being saved, Allah sends us a miracle!

#DurbanMuslima #ShireenM #AspiringToInspire 

Drugs

I saw this on Facebook and really felt the need to share. It gave me the shivers just reading it, and as to how accurate it is.

 I have never seen a more perfect poem, written in the saddest way.


"I destroy homes, tear families apart - take your children, and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold - the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.

And if you need me, remember I'm easily found.


I live all around you, in schools and in town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.

My power is awesome - try me you'll see.

But if you do, you may never break free.

Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.

You'll do what you have to just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms, will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.


You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.

When you see their tears, you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised.

I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends.

I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side.


You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.

I'll take and I'll take, till you have nothing more to give.

When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned this is no game.  

If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body,  I'll control your mind.

I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.


The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed.

The voices you'll hear from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see.

I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part.


You'll regret that you tried me, they always do.

But you came to me, not I to you.

You knew this would happen. 

Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.

You could have said no, and just walked away.


If you could live that day over, now what would you say?

I'll be your master; you will be my slave.

I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me, what will you do?

Will you try me or not? 

Its all up to you.

I can bring you more misery than words can tell.


Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell."


Signed

DRUGS

Just Be!

Its not easy in this society to just be.

People constantly play judge and jury. Every little act or mistake is put under a magnifying glass so they can scrutinize and reshare their thoughts with added masala for more impact. At times it hurts, it makes us angry, and we forget its not them that we need to be concerned in pleasing. Its Allah, and only Allah. He judges not by our act or mistake, but by our intention. We are required to be perfect, as we were not created to br perfect, yet we are in constant pursuit if perfection.

May Allah protect us all and help, guide and protect us. Insha Allah Ameen

#DurbanMuslima #ShireenM #AspiringToInspire

Ode To Our Wives Mother’s and Sisters !!!

From advocate Naeem Moosa 

Who lost his wife recently 

Ode To Our Wives Mother’s and Sisters !!!


I sit in pure admiration and awe of those women in our life who have made our lives so uncomplicated, simple and full of aafiyat.


Men in this predominantly western society look down upon our women (perhaps not intentionally) who do not work and “sit” at home the whole day. This is the furthest from the truth given my personal experience. Here is a lesson from me to you.


Take this beautiful soul out of your day for just a day and see what chaos reigns. Some of you may be lucky to have your companions return from perhaps a temporary absence. I do not have that luxury. My life partner (my wife) was called to Allah not too long ago.


I have been forced to take on the domestic responsibilities (amongst others) in my home due to this and believe me I have never worked so hard and have never been so tired. This is harder work than a full time job.


Typically your day never ends as there is packing of school bags, homework , school lunches , weekly extra curricular activities to plan for (ballet, swimming, Madressah etc) stationary lists , cakes sales, extra sport at school, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, groceries, meat , chicken, cooking, Ramadan preparations etc etc etc ... it’s a never ending cycle. 


Then it’s other things which you have to worry about if you still have a spouse (his needs, his food, his mood)..... How do you manage ? .... I ask myself.


Getting into the car for a school run is like a military operation with multiple checklists ... shopping before or after the kids ... did I go to the bathroom ..... did I read salaah ..... did I read Quran ... did I eat ... and when you finally leave the imprisonment of your car at 330pm (if you are lucky) after getting in at about midday, you barely can make it out of the car when you get home and once again begins the endless chores that a “sit” at home Mom does.


And (I’m sure) when hubby comes home and says what did you do today ??? The urge to strangle, throttle , stab and do unmentionable things to him is almost impossible to resist.


May Allah reward all our sisters for their immense sacrifices... you are our true unsung heroes and the term “sit” at home is a most inappropriate term and is actually quite condescending and downright degrading.


I want you to know that all your efforts are noted and appreciated ... take a bow. You will be rewarded by the Almighty ISA Ameen summa Ameen.


To my beloved brothers out there, appreciate what you have lest they are taking away from you. Life is very short ... learn from my example. Appreciate all those around you that you may be (whether it is unintentional or not) taking for granted.


A sinful servant of Allah!!!

Thursday, 7 February 2019

✨✨Daily Anti-Depressant


✨Many people are under the misconception that an increase in wealth will lead to an increase in happiness. However, this could not be further from the truth, as depression affects people across all income-brackets and from all walks of life.


✨The severity of depression can perhaps be gauged by the fact that according to statistics, in South Africa alone, there are approximately twenty-three known suicides a day!


✨Islam has given us a simple, free prescription that has no unwanted side effects and is incomparable in combating depression. In this regard,Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) taught us that we should always look at those who are less fortunate than ourselves (Saheeh Muslim #7428). In doing so, we will realize how many bounties we enjoy for which we should be thankful and how fortunate we really are.


✨Hence, we should daily contemplate over the plight of others in the world. There are people in the world who have no food at all and are dying of starvation. There people who have no limbs or limbs that do not function. There are people who were forced to witness their entire family being killed before them. By pondering over the difficulties which these people encounter, we will realize that our difficulties, as painful and unbearable as they may seem, are actually not as bad as the suffering of others.


✨Whenever we feel down and depressed, let us think of our brothers, sisters, children and parents around the world who are less fortunate than ourselves. Then, let us raise our hands in du‘aa, thank Allah Ta‘ala for the innumerable favours that we enjoy, and beg Him to assist those in difficulty.


✨This is the ultimate anti-depressant of which we should all strive to take a daily dose.

Sunday, 3 February 2019

The Benefits Of Peroxide


My friend who is married to a doctor was over recently for coffee and smelled the bleach, I was using to clean my toilet and counter tops.


This is what she told me.

'I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little ole bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drugstore. What does bleach cost?

My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide.

Have you ever smelled bleach in a doctor's office? NO!!! Why? Because it smells, and it is not healthy!

Ask the nurses who work in the doctor's offices, and ask them if they use bleach at home. They are wiser and know better!

Did you also know bleach was invented in the late '40s? It's chlorine, folks! And it was used to kill our troops.

Peroxide was invented during WWI.. It was used to save and help cleanse the needs of our troops and hospitals.


Please think about this:


1. Take one capful of hydrogen peroxide (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe.) No more canker sores, and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash.


2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs.


3. Clean your counters and table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.


4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.


5. I had fungus on my feet for years until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.


6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to 10 minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine but was healed by soaking in peroxide.


7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.


8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold or plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes, and then blow your nose into a tissue.


9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for 10 minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.


10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide-burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually, so it's not a drastic change.


11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help get rid of boils, fungus, or other skin infections.


12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour it directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.


13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors. There is no smearing, which is why I love it so much for this.


14. Another place it's great is in the bathroom, if someone has been careless, has peed on the floor around the toilet, and it's begun to smell of urine. Just put some peroxide in a spray bottle spray. In the blink of an eye all the smell will be gone and the bacteria eliminated!


I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner!


This information really woke me up. I hope you gain something from it, too.


Pass it on! Clorox v/s peroxide VERY interesting and inexpensive.

www.docakilah.wordpress.com

https://www.facebook.com/krummelvirkrummel

Do not Despair of the Mercy of Allaah!



Feeling down in the dumps, depressed, having

the blues… These are just some of the terms used to describe a

feeling of hopelessness and despair that can hit even the most

optimistic of us at some point in our lives. However when

sadness, gloom and unhappiness becomes a permanent mark of our

lives, when it creates a feeling of hopelessness, helplessness

and worthlessness, when it interferes with our ability to work,

study, eat, sleep, and mix with people we may be suffering from

abnormal levels of despair otherwise called depression.Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam taught us a du’aa against

despondency which, in amazing brevity, also reveals the

consequences of acute depression. The du’aa reads as follow: “O’

Allaah I seek your protection from anxiety, sorrow, inability,

laziness, cowardice, stinginess, overpowering debt and

subjugation by fellow man” This du’aa speaks about the eight

emotional traits of a person overcome by severe dejection:

1. Anxiety: An unexplained cloud of constant

worry, fear, a boding that something bad is going to take place.

You feel agitated, restless, and are on the edge all the time.


2. Sorrow: A sense of dejection that crushes

both your body and mind. You almost believe that it is not

possible to be happy. Feeling of not being cherished and

respected by anyone


3. A feeling of uselessness: A Feelings of

helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever

get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your

situation. You are locked into victim mode. This drops your

tolerance levels. Everything and everyone gets on your nerves.


4. Laziness/fatigue: Neither interest nor any

willingness to pick yourself up. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and

physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even

small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.


5. Cowardice: Lack of self-confidence. Strong

feelings of worthlessness or guilt. A bleak outlook—nothing will

ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your

situation.


6. Stinginess: No interested in the welfare of

others. You are too preoccupied in your own gloom to even think

of the happiness of other people.


7. Overpowering debt: Trouble focusing, making

decisions, you become financially reckless in the hope of buying

yourself out of misery. You engage in escapist behavior.


8. Subjugation by fellow man: Under the control

of other people. You feel pressured by those around you. You no

longer believe in yourself and feel compelled to toe the line.


A Muslim should always assume the best about Allaah. He should

strive to do his best and expect the best outcome: that Allah

will accept his good deeds; that Allaah from His grace will

forgive him; and that Allaah will bless him to live out his life,

until its conclusion, upon faith. Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi

wasallam has said: “None of you should die except while assuming

the best about Allaah.” (Muslim)


Our challenge under all circumstances is to act as best as we

can with the firm conviction that whatever afflicts us was never

meant to miss us and whatever misses us was never meant for us.

We believe that our life ultimately unfolds in accordance to the

will of Allaah! “No calamity befalls the earth and neither your

own selves unless it be laid down in our decree long before we

bring it into being – verily that is easy for Allaah. So that you

may not despair over whatever good escapes you nor become

arrogant over whatever good has come your way” (57: 22)


May Allaah grant us the ability to turn each anxiety, each fear

and each concern into an opportunity for making du’aa and

turning to Him with repentance.

AAMEEN

Saturday, 2 February 2019

My fears.

HAZRAT MA'QAL BIN YASAAR (رضي الله ﺗﻌﺎﻟﯽٰعنه  ) NARRATES:


Once I expressed my fears to RASULULLAAH صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ  over 5 things in my life.


-I feared that I would be misled or deviate from the Siraatul-Mustaqeem.(the straight path)


-The second was regarding my life. I feared harm or illness would befall me.


-The third was about my children, that they would suffer Deeni or worldly harm.


-My fourth concern was my wife, that she too may suffer physical or spiritual harm.


-The fifth fear I had was over my wealth, should there occur a loss of income or property.


After listening to my fears, RASULULLAAH صلي الله عليه و سلم taught me the following Dua:


To be recited 3 times morning and evening, 


*بسم الله على ديني و نفسي و ولدي و اهلي و مالي* 

*''BISMILLAHI ALA DEENI WANAFSI WAWALADI WA AHLI WA MALI''*


("MAY THE BLESSINGS OF ALLAH TA'ALA BE ON MY DEEN, LIFE, CHILDREN, FAMILY AND WEALTH.") 

*(KANZUL UMMAL)*

Choose wisely

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.


I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.


Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.


As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.


I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.


Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so … much … more.


Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.


I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship … which still made me choose her even less.


Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.


She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.


Actually, I did abandon her.


By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.


Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.


I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.


It’s torture for everyone.


If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:

“Why am I choosing my partner today?”


If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”


If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.


But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.


Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.


Choose wisely. 


Credits to - https://bryanreeves.com/choose-her-everyday-or-leave-her

Bursting the Bubble​


As exhausted as she was, she put in the extra effort. “Never mind if I’m tired, I’ll do it for my hubby,” she thought to herself. She wore attractive clothing and jewellery, applied perfume, prepared his favourite meal and dessert and even lit candles, hoping to please her husband by making it a ‘special evening’. Sadly, as soon as he entered, let alone appreciate and admire, and let alone a simple smile and a hug – he didn’t even spare her a second glance! He walked in, glued to his phone, absolutely oblivious to the loving wife who had eagerly awaited him all day. At that moment, her bubble burst and her heart was broken...


After reading the above, most people would be quick to condemn the husband’s behaviour and classify him as insensitive, callous and uncaring. Now, consider the following:


“Mommy! You know what aapa told us today?” Faatimah excitedly exclaimed as she ran in from madrasah. “Not now Faatimah! I’m busy!” her mother snapped while frantically typing on her phone.


“Daddy! See what I made for you with my blocks!” Muhammad said, hopping with happiness. “Can’t you see that I’m on the phone?” his father scolded in irritation.


In all the cases above, a person turned to someone that they love, hoping and expecting to receive warmth, love, attention and acceptance, and were instead brushed off abruptly and painfully ignored. Just as a wife feels hurt when her husband treats her indifferently, children similarly feel hurt when their parents treat them in this way.If the husband is guilty, the parents are also guilty and deserving of condemnation.


In such a child’s eyes, his parents love their phones more than him as they cannot even put it down for a few minutes to give him attention and love. When the child sees that his parents have bonded with their phones more than with him, it is unsurprising that he develops a fascination with the phone and also wishes to acquire one to bond with. If it is not the phone occupying the parents, then regardless of what it is, it causes hurt and pain to the child – especially when it happens on a continuous basis.


As fathers and mothers, we need to understand that parenting is not an eight-to-five occupation where we can knock off for the day, thereafter ignoring all responsibilities of the work place until the next morning. As parents, we can never feel, “I gave my children enough attention today, now it’s my turn to relax and I do not want them to disturb me or bother me.” We are on duty 24/7, and whenever our children come to us, we must show them warmth, love and attention. Failing to do so creates a serious complex in the child, affecting their emotional wellbeing and causing them to develop a dangerous craving for attention.


When the wife is displeased with her husband for ignoring her, then due to her intelligence and age, she will be able to express herself with words or even tears. In the case of the child, he does not know how to communicate his need via words. Instead, when he desperately craves the attention and love of his parents, he looks for other ways to gain it – or he will seek the love from outsiders.


Children are simple souls and do not understand diplomacy and tact. If a child wants a toy from another child, he will often snatch it without thinking twice. Likewise, when the parents do not give the child the attention that he wants, he tries to ‘snatch’ it from them. This often manifests in the form of naughty behaviour such as breaking things, tantrums, etc., as the child knows no other way to draw his parents’ attention. How sad that the child has to resort to this behaviour simply to make his parents look at him!


Unfortunately, this plan backfires. The child is given attention – but in the form of scolding, punishment, etc., and this further entrenches the complex and craving within the child. The parents then lament and complain about the behaviour of their children, failing to realise that it is actually a shout for help from a child who is starving for love and knows no other way to express himself.


The next time our child comes to us, even if it may be to show us a flower they picked in the garden, or a ‘picture’ that they scribbled with crayons, or to tell us something silly that their friend told them, or to show us their toy, let us not burst their bubble and break their hearts. Let us take out a few moments to give them our undivided love and attention.

Author unknown

The Journey...