Friday, 29 November 2019

self care

“Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing.

It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.”
-Brianna Wiest


I had spent an hour in the bank with my dad, as he had to transfer some money.  I couldn't resist myself & asked...
''Dad, why don't we activate your internet banking?''

''Why would I do that?'' 
He asked...

''Well, then you wont have to spend an hour here for things like transfer. 

You can even do your shopping online. Everything will be so easy!'' 

I was so excited about initiating him into the world of Net banking.

He asked ''If I do that, I wont have to step out of the house? 

''Yes, yes''! I said. I told him how even grocery can be delivered at door now and how amazon delivers everything!

His answer left me tongue-tied. 

He said ''Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends, I have chatted a while with the staff who know me very well by now.

You know I am alone...
 this is the company that I need. I like to get ready and come to the bank. I have enough time, it is the physical touch that I crave.

 Two years back I got sick, The store owner  from whom I buy fruits, came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried. 

When u r Mom fell down few days back while on her morning walk. Our local grocer saw her and immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live. 

Would I have that 'human' touch if everything became online?

Why would I want everything delivered to me and force me to interact with just my computer? 

I like to know the person that I'm dealing with and not just the 'seller' . It creates bonds. Relationships. 

Does Amazon deliver all this as well?'''

Technology isn' t life ..  
Spend time with people .. Not with devices.👍

Monday, 25 November 2019

Weddings of today

Today, Nikahs have taken on a distinct mould of a Hollywood or Bollywood style wedding – where the bride is dressed to look like a Christian bride or a Bollywood actress – with no sign of Islam on her; and the groom is dressed in a suit and tie, looking like a typical Christian groom.  

Adding insult to injury is the extravagance and open sin at the time of the wedding and Walimah. One’s mind moves in the direction of the millions and millions who are suffering famine and starvation, who have no home, no water, no food, no clothing – but the Muslim ignores all that suffering just for some fleeting attention and praise.

All those hundreds of thousands of Rands wasted on draping a hall, on dressing the chairs, on wine glasses, on musicians, photography, on wedding cards that are thrown away, etc.  is money, which could have been the means of alleviating the plight of so many suffering people.

One brother handed me an elaborate invitation card for his daughter’s wedding. I enquired as to the cost of the wedding card, and was told that each card cost R50. Advising him, I told him that almost all people throw away wedding cards. People generally dispose of them. So he should regard that as people throwing away hundreds of his R50 notes. Would he throw R50 notes into a bin? No. However, the throwing away of those cards is equal to throwing away R50 notes. That same money could have been used in making the Aakhirah. 

Even those who are known to be religious will waste thousands on halls, on décor, etc. sacrificing the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam). Those who were meant to set the noble example of the Sunnah, who we expect are living the Sunnah – knowingly choose to forsake the Sunnah.  Simplicity, which is part of Imaan, is a rare sight in these times.  

Hazrat ‘Ayesha (Radhiyallahu ‘anha) related that Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said: ‘Verily, the most blessed Nikah is that which involves the least difficulty (expenditure).’

We have a perfect Sunnah – a perfect way of life in the life of our Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam) and in the lives of his companions, men and women. We have what is superior to all other cultures yet we consider everything else. It shows great weakness if we give preference to the culture of the Christians, Jews and Idolators over the noble Sunnah of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam). We are exchanging diamonds for stones… and what an unprofitable exchange this is! What a great loss!

Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam) said: “Whoever emulates a nation is from amongst them.”

In another Hadith, it is stated: “A person is with whom he loves.”

Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa-Sallam) also said that we will be raised on the Day of Judgment with those whom we imitate in this worldly life. (May Allah Ta’ala save us from such disgrace and humiliation.)

 The heart bleeds at this miscarriage of the Sunnah. …Nay, this abortion of the Sunnah. How will we meet our Beloved Nabi (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam) on the Day of Judgment? How will we show our faces to the one whose entire life was sacrificed so that today we be the reciters of the Kalimah?

May Allah Ta’ala have mercy upon us since we stand to lose by adopting this culture. If we continue in this line and direction, we will lose the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala and we will lose the great rewards for enlivening and practising the Sunnah. 

We also stand to lose the companionship of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu ‘alayh wasallam) at the fountain of Kauthar on the Day of Judgment and even stand to lose the success of our marriages due to having sacrificed the beautiful, noble Sunnah by means of our emulation of the Hollywood and Bollywood culture.

If our allegiance is to Allah Ta’ala and His Rasul (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam), then there should be no delay in repentance and mending our ways and coming back to what is pure and beautiful – Islam and the Sunnah. In this, is the success of both worlds. 

May Allah Ta’ala grant us the understanding, the concern and the Taufeeq of Aml. 
by Hazrath Maulana Yunus Patel Rahmatullah Alayh. May Allaah fill his qabr with Noor.

Tuesday, 19 November 2019


There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat...

One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian,
who said: - "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said: - "Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left. The goat came back and said: - "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three..."

On the third day, they came to give him the medicine and the vet said: - "Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said: - "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, Three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting: - "It's a miracle! My horse is cured.
We must have a grand party. Let's kill the goat!!!!"

The Lesson: this often happens in the workplace.

Nobody truly knows which employee actually deserves
the merit of success, or who's actually contributing the necessary support to make things happen.



If anyone ever tells you that your work is unprofessional, Remember:

Amateurs built the Ark [which saved all the species]
and professionals built the Titanic [all died tragically]!!

Monday, 18 November 2019

Family only by Title

Written by Naadira Chhipa

Family is sacred, a safe place, a place of love and happiness . Now what if your family is only by title? Families of the past had a unique understanding, love and unity that in reality is a dream for many today. Today we see families being torn apart due to inheritance, jealousy, lack of communication, self absorption, technology, toxic relationships and so much more. There are individuals who do the best they can to unite and be the glue to their family as well as tirelessly 'chase' after them but that love, sacrifice and attention is not gifted back.

These individuals are then emotionally exhausted by all the effort and energy they use to maintain family relationships and, yet when they need that love and attention there is nobody in sight. There are sisters and brothers who have not spoken or seen each other in years not because of a misunderstanding but due to them just 'not having time'. Priority is key. If your family member calls to check up on you everyday but oneday just stops calling. Would you call them to enquire about their well being or are you content in not receiving that 'annoying call' everyday.
If a family member visits you and finds happiness in your company, are you happy to accommodate them or are you irritated by their regular visits.

This is the mentality of families today. We feel overwhelmed and anxious when visitors come over, to a point of relief once they leave so we can go back to our smartphone in isolation. We roll our eyes when we see certain numbers appear on our screen. We lock ourselves up in our homes with our eyes, hands, heart, mind and soul shackled to our cell phones. 

This is the reality in so many homes and we wonder what has happened to family bonds. 

It is time to switch off the wifi connection and reconnect to the people who are yearning for your love, understanding, strength and comfort. We need to introspect and evaluate every relationship in our lives as this life is so temporary. 

Stop chasing and forcing relationships rather make peace with what it is and maintain the relationship by keeping a happy and peaceful bond rather than an emotionally unstable one. Be around people who bring out the best in you instead of suffocating in the company of those who will try to emotionally drain, blackmail and control your every thought, action and opinion.....

Sunday, 17 November 2019

Sunnah of acceptance

When 'Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, broke a dish of food out of jealousy in front of a gathering of people, the Prophet, (saw) was gentle with her. He understood that this behavior was a reflection of one of her personal shortcomings. 

He reminded us all, forever and always, that was was "our mother..." and that meant she had so much good and she deserved our respect, love, and admiration and ability to overlook this moment. 

We all have personal shortcomings. I've yet to meet someone who doesn't. The closer you get to a person, be it a family member, friend, a teacher, or your very own spouse the more you will see their shortcomings. 

But the sunnah of not trying to break a person in order for them to change is one I find most beautiful. 

Treating someone with gentleness doesn't mean condoning their choice. 

It's allowing love to be a teacher and a healer. 

One of the themes of my day today in terms of coaching wives and couples today has been one of acceptance. 

Accepting that their spouse is different. 

Accepting that their spouse has a certain personality. 

And being merciful and gentle in working with it rather than constantly criticizing it. 

Our Prophet... his character and choices always move me every time I imagine certain situations in real life situations. 

If I could just be a fraction of who he was.... salalahu alayhe wa sellum.... 

And even though we have, on public display and in public memory this moment of 'Aisha's, she was also amazing in every way masha'Allah.

If we had just a fraction of her patience, her taqwa, her resilience, her determination, her softness, her gentlness, her love.....

Your spouse will have moments. 

You will have moments. 

Let us remember the sunnah of acceptance and knowing how and when to invite change. 

Relationship Resources:

Be challenged

The Japanese have a great liking for fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So, to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.
The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring back the fish. The longer it took them to bring back the fish, the stale they grew.
The fish were not fresh and the Japanese did not like the taste. To solve this problem, fishing companies installed the freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.
However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little hashing around, fishes stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive.
Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste. The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis! But today, it has got over that crisis and has emerged as one of the most important trades in that country! How did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan ?
To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks. But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged  and hence are constantly on the move. And they survive and arrive in a healthy state! They command a higher price and are most sought-after. The challenge they face keeps them fresh!
Humans are no different.

 L. Ron Hubbard observed in the early 1950's:

 "Man thrives, oddly enough, only in the presence of a challenging environment.

"George Bernard Shaw said:   

 " Satisfaction is death!"

If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. Your challenges keep you energized.They keep you alive! 

 _*_Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!*

MORAL: If you look healthier, younger and energetic, than definitely there is a shark in your tank.

Friday, 15 November 2019

6 Secrets To Success

1. Trust yourself

Trust yourself, dig deep down and ask yourself: ‘Who do you want to be?’ Not what, but who. Not what your parents or teachers wants you to be, but you! Figure out for yourself, what makes you happy, no matter how crazy it may sound to the people. What is inside your heart and inside your head? Be determined and be unique, drive to think big and dream big.

2. . Break the rules

We have so many rules in life about everything, break the rules!  Break the rules, but not the law. It is impossible to be a true original if you too well behaved and not break the rules, you have to think outside the box. What is the point of being on this world if all you want is to be liked by everyone. The only way that I ever got any place was by breaking some of the rules.

3. Don’t be afraid to fail

Anything that I’ve ever attempted I was always willing to fail. You can’t always win, but don’t be afraid of making decisions. You can’t be paralyzed by fear of failure or you will never push yourself. You keep pushing because you believe in yourself and in your vision and you know that it is the right thing to do, success will come. So don't be afraid to fail.

4. Don’t listen to the naysayers

How many times have you heard: you can’t do this, you can’t do that. It has never been done before. Just imagine if Bill Gates had quit when people said it can't be done! I love it when someone says that no one has ever done that before, because that means that if I do it, that means that I am the first one that has done it. So pay no attention to people that say that it can’t be done.

5. Work your butt off!

You never want to fail because you didn't worked hard enough, I never wanted to lose a competition or lose an election because I didn't work hard enough. I always believe leaving no stone unturned. It is important to have fun in life, but when you out there partying and messing around someone out there at the same time is working hard, someone is getting smarter and someone is winning. You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in the pocket!

6. Giving back

Whatever path that you take in your life, you must always find time to give something back. Give something back to your community, give something back to your state or to your country. Reaching out and helping people will bring you more satisfaction than anything else you’ve ever done! 

Remember the 6 rules. Trust yourself, break some rules, don't be afraid to fail, ignore the naysayers, work like hell and give something back.

 By Arnold Schwarzenegger